A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of seniors down a highway. When he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady. She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up.
After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts.
She repeats this gesture about five more times.
When she is about to hand him another batch again he asks the little old lady, why dont you eat the peanuts yourself?".
"We can't chew them because we've no teeth", she replied.
The puzzled driver asks,
"Why do you buy them then?"
The old lady replied,
"We just love the chocolate around them."
Sunday, July 30, 2006
Thursday, July 27, 2006
Alcohol Effects & Remedies
1. Symptom: Cold and humid feet.
Cause: Glass is being held at incorrect angle (You are pouring the drink on your feet).
Cure: Maneuver glass until open end is facing upward.
2. Symptom: The wall facing you is full of lights.
Cause: You're lying on the floor.
Cure: Position your body at a 90-degree angle to the floor.
3. Symptom: The floor looks blurry.
Cause: You're looking through an empty glass.
Cure: Quickly refill with your favorite beverage.
4. Symptom: The floor is moving.
Cause: You're being dragged away.
Cure: At least ask where they're taking you.
5. Symptom: You hear echoes every time someone speaks.
Cause: You have your glass on your ear.
Cure: Stop making a fool of yourself!
6. Symptom: The room is shaking a lot, everyone is dressed in white and the music is very repetitive.
Cause: You're in an ambulance.
Cure: Don't move. Let the professionals do their job.
7. Symptom: Your dad and all your brothers look strange.
Cause: You're in the wrong house.
Cure: Ask if they can point you to your house.
Cause: Glass is being held at incorrect angle (You are pouring the drink on your feet).
Cure: Maneuver glass until open end is facing upward.
2. Symptom: The wall facing you is full of lights.
Cause: You're lying on the floor.
Cure: Position your body at a 90-degree angle to the floor.
3. Symptom: The floor looks blurry.
Cause: You're looking through an empty glass.
Cure: Quickly refill with your favorite beverage.
4. Symptom: The floor is moving.
Cause: You're being dragged away.
Cure: At least ask where they're taking you.
5. Symptom: You hear echoes every time someone speaks.
Cause: You have your glass on your ear.
Cure: Stop making a fool of yourself!
6. Symptom: The room is shaking a lot, everyone is dressed in white and the music is very repetitive.
Cause: You're in an ambulance.
Cure: Don't move. Let the professionals do their job.
7. Symptom: Your dad and all your brothers look strange.
Cause: You're in the wrong house.
Cure: Ask if they can point you to your house.
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
This is a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for "Termination without Cause".
Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee.
Now I know why they record these conversations!):
Operator: "Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?"
Caller: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
Operator: "What sort of trouble??"
Caller: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
Operator: "Went away?"
Caller: "They disappeared."
Operator: "Hmm So what does your screen lo ok like now?"
Caller: "Nothing."
Operator: "Nothing??"
Caller: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
Operator: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??"
Caller: "How do I tell?"
Operator: "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??"
Caller: "What's a sea-prompt?"
Operator: "Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?"
Caller: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
Operator: "Does your monitor have a power indicator??"
Caller: "What's a monitor?"
Operator: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on??"
Caller: "I don't know."
Operator: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??"
Caller: "Yes, I think so."
Operator: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.
Caller: "Yes, it is."
Operator: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??"
Caller: "No."
Operator: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
Caller: "Okay, here it is."
Operator: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
Caller: "I can't reach."
Operator: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??"
Caller: "No."
Operator: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over??"
Caller: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark."
Operator: "Dark??"
Caller: "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.
Operator: "Well, turn on the office light then."
Caller: "I can't."
Operator: "No? Why not??"
Caller: "Because there's a power failure."
Operator: "A power......... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in??"
Caller: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
Operator: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
Caller: "Really? Is it that bad?"
Operator: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."
Caller: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??"
Operator: "Tell them you're too f*%king stupid to own a computer!!!!!"
Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee.
Now I know why they record these conversations!):
Operator: "Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?"
Caller: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
Operator: "What sort of trouble??"
Caller: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
Operator: "Went away?"
Caller: "They disappeared."
Operator: "Hmm So what does your screen lo ok like now?"
Caller: "Nothing."
Operator: "Nothing??"
Caller: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
Operator: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??"
Caller: "How do I tell?"
Operator: "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??"
Caller: "What's a sea-prompt?"
Operator: "Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?"
Caller: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
Operator: "Does your monitor have a power indicator??"
Caller: "What's a monitor?"
Operator: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on??"
Caller: "I don't know."
Operator: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??"
Caller: "Yes, I think so."
Operator: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.
Caller: "Yes, it is."
Operator: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??"
Caller: "No."
Operator: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
Caller: "Okay, here it is."
Operator: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
Caller: "I can't reach."
Operator: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??"
Caller: "No."
Operator: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over??"
Caller: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark."
Operator: "Dark??"
Caller: "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.
Operator: "Well, turn on the office light then."
Caller: "I can't."
Operator: "No? Why not??"
Caller: "Because there's a power failure."
Operator: "A power......... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in??"
Caller: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
Operator: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
Caller: "Really? Is it that bad?"
Operator: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."
Caller: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??"
Operator: "Tell them you're too f*%king stupid to own a computer!!!!!"
WHY WEARING AN UNDERWEAR IS IMPORTANT!!
There was this couple who drove their car to Wal-Mart, only to have their car break down in the parking lot.
The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car in the lot. The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the car. On closer inspection, she saw a pair of male legs protruding from under the chassis. Although the man was in shorts, his lack of underpants turned private parts into glaringly public ones.
Unable to stand the embarrassment, she dutifully stepped forward, quickly put her hand UP his shorts, and tucked everything back into place.
On regaining her feet, she looked across the hood and found herself staring at her husband who was standing idly by.
The mechanic, however, had to have three stitches in his forehead.
The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car in the lot. The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the car. On closer inspection, she saw a pair of male legs protruding from under the chassis. Although the man was in shorts, his lack of underpants turned private parts into glaringly public ones.
Unable to stand the embarrassment, she dutifully stepped forward, quickly put her hand UP his shorts, and tucked everything back into place.
On regaining her feet, she looked across the hood and found herself staring at her husband who was standing idly by.
The mechanic, however, had to have three stitches in his forehead.
The Loving Husband
A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife passed away. The undertaker told the husband, "You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here, in the Holy Land, for $150." The man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home.
The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your wife home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only $150?"
The man replied, "Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can't take that chance."
The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your wife home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only $150?"
The man replied, "Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can't take that chance."
Monday, July 24, 2006
The grass isn't green on the other side
Mr. Gopalkrishnan succeeds Mr. Ratan Tata as Chairman of Tata Sons Ltd., the holding company for many of the Tata Bluechips - like Tata Steel, Tata Motors,Tata Power, Tata Chemicals, Voltas, etc.. Possibly, he is the first non-Tata person to head the Tata Empire.
The below article, written by him, is really interesting!
The grass isn't always greener on the other side !!
Move from one job to another - but only for the right reasons.
It's yet another day at office. As I logged on to the marketing and advertising sites for the latest updates, as usual, I found the headlines dominated by "who's moving from one company to another after a short stint", and I wondered, "why are so many people leaving one job for another? Is it passe now to work with just one company for a sufficiently long period"?
Whenever I ask this question to people who leave a company, the answers I get are
"Oh, I am getting a 200% hike in salary";
"Well, I am jumping three levels in my designation";
"Well, they are going to send me abroad in six months".
Then, I look around at all the people who are considered successful today and who have reached the top - be it a media agency, an advertising agency or a company. I find that most of these people are the ones who have stuck to the company, ground their heels and worked their way to the top.
And, as I look around for people who changed their jobs constantly, I find they have stagnated at some level, in obscurity!
In this absolutely ruthless, dynamic and competitive environment, there are still no short-cuts to success or to making money. The only thing that continues to pay, as earlier, is Loyalty and Hardwork. Yes, it pays! Sometimes - immediately, sometimes - after a lot of time. But, it does pay.
Does this mean that one should stick to an organisation and wait for that golden moment ? Of course not. After a long stint, there always comes a time for moving, in most organisations. But, it is important to move for the right reasons - rather than superficial ones, like money, designation or an overseas trip.
Remember, no company recruits for charity.
More often than not, when you are offered an unseemly hike in salary or designation that is disproportionate to what that company offers its current employees, there is always an unseen bait attached.
The result?
You will, in the long-term, have reached exactly the same levels or maybe lower levels, than what you would have in your current company.
A lot of people leave an organisation because they are "unhappy". What is this so-called-unhappiness? I have been working for donkey's years, and there has never been a day when I am not unhappy about something in my work - environment, boss, rude colleague, fussy clients, etc.
Unhappiness in a workplace, to a large extent, is transient.
If you look hard enough, there is always something to be unhappy about. But, more importantly, do I come to work to be "happy" in the truest sense ? If I think hard, the answer is "No".
Happiness is something you find with family, friends, may be a close circle of colleagues who have become friends.
What you come to work for is to earn, build a reputation, satisfy your ambitions, be appreciated for your work ethics, face challenges and get the job done.
So, the next time you are tempted to move, ask yourself "why are you moving" and "what are you moving into" ?
Some questions are
Am I ready and capable of handling the new responsibility? If yes, what could be the possible reasons my current company has not offered me the same responsibility
Who are the people who currently handle this responsibility in the current and the new company? Am I as good as the best among them?
As the new job offer has a different profile, why have I not given the current company the option to offer me this profile
Why is the new company offering me the job ? Do they want me for my skills, or is there an ulterior motive ?
An honest answer to these will eventually decide where you go in your career - either to the top of the pile, in the long-term (at the cost of short-term blips), or to become another average employee who gets lost with time in the wilderness?
Dr. Gopalkrishnan
Chairman - TATA Sons
The below article, written by him, is really interesting!
The grass isn't always greener on the other side !!
Move from one job to another - but only for the right reasons.
It's yet another day at office. As I logged on to the marketing and advertising sites for the latest updates, as usual, I found the headlines dominated by "who's moving from one company to another after a short stint", and I wondered, "why are so many people leaving one job for another? Is it passe now to work with just one company for a sufficiently long period"?
Whenever I ask this question to people who leave a company, the answers I get are
"Oh, I am getting a 200% hike in salary";
"Well, I am jumping three levels in my designation";
"Well, they are going to send me abroad in six months".
Then, I look around at all the people who are considered successful today and who have reached the top - be it a media agency, an advertising agency or a company. I find that most of these people are the ones who have stuck to the company, ground their heels and worked their way to the top.
And, as I look around for people who changed their jobs constantly, I find they have stagnated at some level, in obscurity!
In this absolutely ruthless, dynamic and competitive environment, there are still no short-cuts to success or to making money. The only thing that continues to pay, as earlier, is Loyalty and Hardwork. Yes, it pays! Sometimes - immediately, sometimes - after a lot of time. But, it does pay.
Does this mean that one should stick to an organisation and wait for that golden moment ? Of course not. After a long stint, there always comes a time for moving, in most organisations. But, it is important to move for the right reasons - rather than superficial ones, like money, designation or an overseas trip.
Remember, no company recruits for charity.
More often than not, when you are offered an unseemly hike in salary or designation that is disproportionate to what that company offers its current employees, there is always an unseen bait attached.
The result?
You will, in the long-term, have reached exactly the same levels or maybe lower levels, than what you would have in your current company.
A lot of people leave an organisation because they are "unhappy". What is this so-called-unhappiness? I have been working for donkey's years, and there has never been a day when I am not unhappy about something in my work - environment, boss, rude colleague, fussy clients, etc.
Unhappiness in a workplace, to a large extent, is transient.
If you look hard enough, there is always something to be unhappy about. But, more importantly, do I come to work to be "happy" in the truest sense ? If I think hard, the answer is "No".
Happiness is something you find with family, friends, may be a close circle of colleagues who have become friends.
What you come to work for is to earn, build a reputation, satisfy your ambitions, be appreciated for your work ethics, face challenges and get the job done.
So, the next time you are tempted to move, ask yourself "why are you moving" and "what are you moving into" ?
Some questions are
Am I ready and capable of handling the new responsibility? If yes, what could be the possible reasons my current company has not offered me the same responsibility
Who are the people who currently handle this responsibility in the current and the new company? Am I as good as the best among them?
As the new job offer has a different profile, why have I not given the current company the option to offer me this profile
Why is the new company offering me the job ? Do they want me for my skills, or is there an ulterior motive ?
An honest answer to these will eventually decide where you go in your career - either to the top of the pile, in the long-term (at the cost of short-term blips), or to become another average employee who gets lost with time in the wilderness?
Dr. Gopalkrishnan
Chairman - TATA Sons
Puzzle
Three friends went to a hotel. The bill was Rs 75/-
Each one contributed Rs.25/-.
The waiter took the bill to the cashier.
The cashier was happy & decided to give them a discount of Rs.5/- & asked the waiter to return them Rs.5/-.
Now the waiter was confused. How to distribute Rs 5 among 3 persons?
He kept Rs 2 in his pocket & gave one rupee to each one of the 3 persons.
So initially each one had contributed Rs.25. Now as they are given 1 rupee back, their contribution reduces to Rs 24.
They all contributed Rs 24 -- that is 24x3=72 & 2 rupees are in the waiters pocket.
The total becomes 74. But they had paid Rs 75.
Where is the remaining 1 rupee?.
Scroll down
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Check your pocket for 1 Rupee.
I do not know the answer. If you have solved this please let me know where is that one rupee....????..
Each one contributed Rs.25/-.
The waiter took the bill to the cashier.
The cashier was happy & decided to give them a discount of Rs.5/- & asked the waiter to return them Rs.5/-.
Now the waiter was confused. How to distribute Rs 5 among 3 persons?
He kept Rs 2 in his pocket & gave one rupee to each one of the 3 persons.
So initially each one had contributed Rs.25. Now as they are given 1 rupee back, their contribution reduces to Rs 24.
They all contributed Rs 24 -- that is 24x3=72 & 2 rupees are in the waiters pocket.
The total becomes 74. But they had paid Rs 75.
Where is the remaining 1 rupee?.
Scroll down
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Check your pocket for 1 Rupee.
I do not know the answer. If you have solved this please let me know where is that one rupee....????..
Friday, July 21, 2006
Adsense on my page
Today after a lot of efforts and help from friends and bhai i have setup adsense on my blog, now i have to think of puttiing some good content here and start promoting it.
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