Are all Indians vegetarian?
Yes. Even tigers are vegetarian in India.
Does India have cars? No. We ride elephants to work. The government is trying to encourage ride-sharing schemes.
What does that red dot on women's forehead mean?
Well, in ancient times, Indian men used to practice archery skills by target practicing by aiming at their wife's red dot. In fact, that is one of the reasons why they had many wives. You see, once they mastered the art of archery and hit the target....
Does India have TV?
No. We only have cable.
Are you a Hindi?
Yes. I am spoken everyday in Northern India.
Do you speak Hindu?
Yes, I also speak Jewish, Islam and Christianity.
Is it true that everyone there is very corrupt?
Yes, in fact, I had to bribe my parents so that they would let me go to school.
India is very hot, isn't it?
It is so hot there that all the water boils spontaneously. That is why tea is such a popular drink in India.
Indians cannot eat beef, huh?
Cows provide milk which is a very essential part of Indian diet. So eating cows is forbidden. However in order to decrease the population of the country, the government is trying to encourage everyone to eat human meat.
Why do you sometimes wear Indian clothes to work?
I prefer it to coming naked.
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
The Little Boy
A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards.
The little boy asked why he wore his collar backwards.
The man, who was a priest, said. " I am a Father."
The little boy replied. "My Daddy doesn't wear his collar like that."
The priest looked up from his book and answered. "I am the Father of many."
The boy said. "My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren andhe doesn't wear his collar that way!
The priest, getting impatient, said. "I am the Father of hundreds" and went back to reading his book.
The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and said.
"Maybe you should wear a condom and your pants backwards instead of your collar."
The little boy asked why he wore his collar backwards.
The man, who was a priest, said. " I am a Father."
The little boy replied. "My Daddy doesn't wear his collar like that."
The priest looked up from his book and answered. "I am the Father of many."
The boy said. "My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren andhe doesn't wear his collar that way!
The priest, getting impatient, said. "I am the Father of hundreds" and went back to reading his book.
The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and said.
"Maybe you should wear a condom and your pants backwards instead of your collar."
A second opinion......
Man goes to the doctor complaining of constant headaches:
The doctor said, "Bill, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rarecondition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve thepressure is to remove the testicles.
"Bill was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He had no choice but to go under the knife. When he left thehospital, he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself.
As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life.
He saw a men's clothing store and thought, "That's what I need .. A new suit." He entered the shop and told the salesman, "I'd like a newsuit."The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see . Size 44 Long."Bill laughed, "That's right, how did you know? "Been in the business 60 years!" the tailor said.
Bill tried on the suit, it fit perfectly.As Bill admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about a new shirt?" Bill thought for a moment and then said, "Sure." Thesalesman eyed Bill and said, "Let's see, 34 sleeves and 16-1/2 neck."Bill was surprised, "That's right, how did you know?" "Been in the business 60 years."
Bill tried on the shirt, and it fit perfectly. Bill walked comfortably around the shop, and the salesman asked, "How about some new underwear?"Bill thought for a moment and said, " Sure." The salesman said,"Let's see...Size 36."Bill laughed, "Ah ha! I got you; I've worn a size 34 since I was 18 years old."
The salesman shook his head, "You can't wear a size 34. A size 34 would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and giveyou one hell of a headache."
New suit - $400
New shirt - $36
New underwear - $6
Second Opinion - PRICELESS
The doctor said, "Bill, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rarecondition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve thepressure is to remove the testicles.
"Bill was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He had no choice but to go under the knife. When he left thehospital, he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself.
As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life.
He saw a men's clothing store and thought, "That's what I need .. A new suit." He entered the shop and told the salesman, "I'd like a newsuit."The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see . Size 44 Long."Bill laughed, "That's right, how did you know? "Been in the business 60 years!" the tailor said.
Bill tried on the suit, it fit perfectly.As Bill admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about a new shirt?" Bill thought for a moment and then said, "Sure." Thesalesman eyed Bill and said, "Let's see, 34 sleeves and 16-1/2 neck."Bill was surprised, "That's right, how did you know?" "Been in the business 60 years."
Bill tried on the shirt, and it fit perfectly. Bill walked comfortably around the shop, and the salesman asked, "How about some new underwear?"Bill thought for a moment and said, " Sure." The salesman said,"Let's see...Size 36."Bill laughed, "Ah ha! I got you; I've worn a size 34 since I was 18 years old."
The salesman shook his head, "You can't wear a size 34. A size 34 would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and giveyou one hell of a headache."
New suit - $400
New shirt - $36
New underwear - $6
Second Opinion - PRICELESS
Age Fabrication
A lady is having a bad day at the roulette tables in Vegas.
She's down to her last $50.
Exasperated, she exclaims, "Only bad luck! What in the world should I do now?"
A man standing next to her suggests, "I don't know... why don't you play your age?"
He walks away.
Moments later, his attention is grabbed by a great commotion at the roulette table.
Maybe she won!
He rushes back to the table and pushes his way through the crowd.
The lady is lying limp on the floor, with the table operator kneeling over her.
The man is stunned.
He asks, "What happened?
Is she all right?"
The operator replies, "I don't know. She put all her money on 29, and 36 came up.
Then she just fainted!"
She's down to her last $50.
Exasperated, she exclaims, "Only bad luck! What in the world should I do now?"
A man standing next to her suggests, "I don't know... why don't you play your age?"
He walks away.
Moments later, his attention is grabbed by a great commotion at the roulette table.
Maybe she won!
He rushes back to the table and pushes his way through the crowd.
The lady is lying limp on the floor, with the table operator kneeling over her.
The man is stunned.
He asks, "What happened?
Is she all right?"
The operator replies, "I don't know. She put all her money on 29, and 36 came up.
Then she just fainted!"
Monday, July 09, 2007
Lie Detector
One day Kuttappan's dad bought a robot.
The robot was special in that it could detect a lie and would slap the person who lied on the face.
Kuttappan returned late from school that day and his dad asked him, " Son why are you late from school?".
Kuttappan answered, "Dad we had extra classes today".
Much to his astonishment the Robot jumped up and slapped Kuttappan on his face.
His dad told him "Mone (son) This robot is special in that he can detect a lie and will then slap the person who lied now come on tell me the truth, why are you late?"
"Dad I went for a movie", " Which movie?" "The Ten Commandments", S-p-la-tt Kuttappan got a tight slap on the face from the robot.
"Sorry dad..i lied again, honestly I went for an adult movie ."
Dad: "Shame on you son when I was your age I never used to do such shameful things."
Splatt, the dad gets a tight slap on the face from the robot.
Hearing all this, Kuttappan's mother comes walking out of the kitchen saying, "Athu pinne enginnenaa, ningalude monealle?" ( After all he is your son, he will be like you), to which the robot steps up and gives a resounding slap on Kuttappan's mother's face.
The robot was special in that it could detect a lie and would slap the person who lied on the face.
Kuttappan returned late from school that day and his dad asked him, " Son why are you late from school?".
Kuttappan answered, "Dad we had extra classes today".
Much to his astonishment the Robot jumped up and slapped Kuttappan on his face.
His dad told him "Mone (son) This robot is special in that he can detect a lie and will then slap the person who lied now come on tell me the truth, why are you late?"
"Dad I went for a movie", " Which movie?" "The Ten Commandments", S-p-la-tt Kuttappan got a tight slap on the face from the robot.
"Sorry dad..i lied again, honestly I went for an adult movie ."
Dad: "Shame on you son when I was your age I never used to do such shameful things."
Splatt, the dad gets a tight slap on the face from the robot.
Hearing all this, Kuttappan's mother comes walking out of the kitchen saying, "Athu pinne enginnenaa, ningalude monealle?" ( After all he is your son, he will be like you), to which the robot steps up and gives a resounding slap on Kuttappan's mother's face.
Thursday, July 05, 2007
KG's down in a day
One fat guy - goes to a popular GYM in Bangalore sees an ad for a new gym guaranteeing to reduce anyone's weight by 5, 10 or 20 kilograms on the first day. So he goes and tells them he wants to lose 5 kg. They lead him into a huge gym with all kinds of ropes and parallel bars and ladders and tell him to wait a minute.
He's standing there when on the far side of the gym a door opens and out steps a beautiful girl, with a sign saying "If you catch me, I'm yours."
He starts running, and just as he gets close, she starts picking up speed.
Before he knows it, he's running all over the gym, up the ladders, down the ladders, across the parallel bars, here and there. And just as he's about to catch the blonde, pop, she disappears through a door. In comes the management who lead him to the showers, and then weigh him. Sure enough, he lost exactly 5kg.
He's back on the street and starts to think.
"God, I was so close to catching her. If I had a little more time... So he races back to the gym and says, "I want to lose 20 more kg."
"No problem," says the manager.
Again he is led to the large gym. This time he's standing by the door when it opens. Out comes a Gorilla with a sign, "If I catch you, you're mine."
He's standing there when on the far side of the gym a door opens and out steps a beautiful girl, with a sign saying "If you catch me, I'm yours."
He starts running, and just as he gets close, she starts picking up speed.
Before he knows it, he's running all over the gym, up the ladders, down the ladders, across the parallel bars, here and there. And just as he's about to catch the blonde, pop, she disappears through a door. In comes the management who lead him to the showers, and then weigh him. Sure enough, he lost exactly 5kg.
He's back on the street and starts to think.
"God, I was so close to catching her. If I had a little more time... So he races back to the gym and says, "I want to lose 20 more kg."
"No problem," says the manager.
Again he is led to the large gym. This time he's standing by the door when it opens. Out comes a Gorilla with a sign, "If I catch you, you're mine."
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
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