A soldier stationed in Afghanistan recently received a letter from his girlfriend back home. It read as follows: *
Dear Ricky,
I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is just too great. I must admit that I have cheated on you twice, since you’ve been gone, and it’s not fair to either of us. I’m sorry. Please return the picture of me that I sent to you.
Love, Becky…………..
The soldier, with hurt feelings, asked his fellow soldiers for any snapshots they could spare of their girlfriends, sisters or ex-girlfriends.In addition to the picture of Becky, Ricky included all the other pictures of the pretty gals he had collected from his buddies. There were 57 photos in that envelope…. along with this note:
Dear Becky,*
I’m so sorry, but I can’t quite remember who the hell you are. Please take your picture from the pile, and send the rest back to me.
Thursday, September 14, 2006
Coca Cola Ha-Ha-Ha!!! he he he he
A disappointed salesman of Coca Cola returns from his Middle East assignment. A friend asked, “Why weren’t you successful with the Arabs?”
The salesman explained, “When I got posted in the Middle East, I was very confident that I will makes a good sales pitch as Cola is virtually unknown there. But, I had a problem I didn’t know to speak Arabic. So, I planned to convey the message through 3 posters…
First poster, a man crawling through the hot desert sand… totally exhausted and panting.
Second, the man is drinking our Cola and Third, our man is now totally refreshed. Then these posters were pasted all over the place”
“That should have worked,” said the friend.
The salesman replied, “Well, not only did I not know how to speak Arabic, I also didn’t realize that Arabs read from right to left…”
The salesman explained, “When I got posted in the Middle East, I was very confident that I will makes a good sales pitch as Cola is virtually unknown there. But, I had a problem I didn’t know to speak Arabic. So, I planned to convey the message through 3 posters…
First poster, a man crawling through the hot desert sand… totally exhausted and panting.
Second, the man is drinking our Cola and Third, our man is now totally refreshed. Then these posters were pasted all over the place”
“That should have worked,” said the friend.
The salesman replied, “Well, not only did I not know how to speak Arabic, I also didn’t realize that Arabs read from right to left…”
Bored at office?
If you find it very boring in the office, here are some tips:
1. Form a detective agency to find out who is quitting next.
2. Make blank calls to your Boss.
3. Send mails from lotus notes (outlook) to your internet mail (and immediately get to the internet and see who reaches first, you or your mail?) and read them there, and note down the time they take to reach there. Then do vice versa…………. !!
4. Rearrange the furniture, i.e. flick someone else’s chair just to irritate him/her.
5. Count your fingers (and toes if you still get bored).
6. Watch other people changing their facial ex-pressions while working and try changing your ex-pressions also.
7. Try to stretch status meetings as longer as possible, just by asking silly doubts.
8. Make faces at strangers in office.
9. Have a two hour lunch; it’s a big social occasion.
10. Learn to whistle.
11. Revise last week’s newspaper.
12. Hold “How fast my computer boots” competitions.
13. Practice aiming the coffee cup into the dustbin.
14. Compile “How to waste your day”
15. Pick up phone and dial non-existing nos.
16. Have work breaks in between tea.
17. Count maximum no of applications your computer can open at time.
18. For Win NT/95 users….Move things to Recycle bin and restore them..Then repeat this process.
19. Look at someone & try to imagine how(s) he might have looked when(s) he was 5 years old.
20. Read jokes and send jokes.
21. Make full use of the comfortable chair and table provided and take a nap.
And if you are still getting bored…………………….then
22. Fwd this mail to everyone u know ?.
1. Form a detective agency to find out who is quitting next.
2. Make blank calls to your Boss.
3. Send mails from lotus notes (outlook) to your internet mail (and immediately get to the internet and see who reaches first, you or your mail?) and read them there, and note down the time they take to reach there. Then do vice versa…………. !!
4. Rearrange the furniture, i.e. flick someone else’s chair just to irritate him/her.
5. Count your fingers (and toes if you still get bored).
6. Watch other people changing their facial ex-pressions while working and try changing your ex-pressions also.
7. Try to stretch status meetings as longer as possible, just by asking silly doubts.
8. Make faces at strangers in office.
9. Have a two hour lunch; it’s a big social occasion.
10. Learn to whistle.
11. Revise last week’s newspaper.
12. Hold “How fast my computer boots” competitions.
13. Practice aiming the coffee cup into the dustbin.
14. Compile “How to waste your day”
15. Pick up phone and dial non-existing nos.
16. Have work breaks in between tea.
17. Count maximum no of applications your computer can open at time.
18. For Win NT/95 users….Move things to Recycle bin and restore them..Then repeat this process.
19. Look at someone & try to imagine how(s) he might have looked when(s) he was 5 years old.
20. Read jokes and send jokes.
21. Make full use of the comfortable chair and table provided and take a nap.
And if you are still getting bored…………………….then
22. Fwd this mail to everyone u know ?.
How 2 answer an interview
A lot of people know how to write a resume and talk their way into an
interview. But when they get into the make or break dialogue, they
stumble upon tough questions. Below, is some advice on approaching the
tough questions that interviewers like to throw at job applicants:
Why did you leave your last job?
Real answer: It sucked.
What you should say: I felt my talents and abilities were underutilized.
What are your biggest weaknesses?
Real answer: I can’t concentrate for more than five minutes, hate all
forms of authority and tend to fall asleep at my desk.
What you should say: I’m a workaholic. I just don’t know when to put
down my work.
You don’t seem to hold on to a job long. Why should we think you’ll
stay here any longer than you’ve stayed elsewhere?
Real answer: My employers have always had a hang-up about keeping only
competent employees..
What you should say: I’m at a point in my career where I am tired of
moving around. I really want to feel part of a team, a long-term
enterprise, where I can make a contribution.
For all those of u aiming for job switches……………
How do you handle change?
Real answer: I deal with it everyday, unless I’m out of clean underwear.
What you should say: I think everyone knows that today the only
constant is change. I thrive on it.
How do you get along with others?
Real answer: Fine, as long as they stay out of my face.
What you should say: I think the interpersonal dynamics of the
workplace can be among the most satisfying aspects of any job.
What does the word success mean to you?
Real answer: It means that I don’t have to drag my sorry ass out of
bed to kiss yours.
What you should say: Success, for me, would be knowing I am making a
difference working with a team of people to make a more profitable
enterprise.
What does the word failure mean to you?
Real answer: It means I continue to collect unemployment insurance.
What you should say: Failure? I’m sorry, I don’t know what you mean.
That word is not in my vocabulary.
Do you get along with your current boss?
Real answer: I get along fine, considering what kind of a malicious
person he is.
What you should say: I don’t think I’d call him a boss; he’s been more
of a mentor to me.
Do you ever get angry with co-workers?
Real answer: I don’t get angry, I get even.
What you should say: Nothing angers me more than to see a co-worker
not pulling his weight, goofing off or stealing. Yes, sometimes I do
get angry with co-workers.
Can I contact your references?
Real answer: Sure, but they won’t know who I am.
What you should say: Some of them are out of the country right now.
Maybe I can arrange to have them contact you.
interview. But when they get into the make or break dialogue, they
stumble upon tough questions. Below, is some advice on approaching the
tough questions that interviewers like to throw at job applicants:
Why did you leave your last job?
Real answer: It sucked.
What you should say: I felt my talents and abilities were underutilized.
What are your biggest weaknesses?
Real answer: I can’t concentrate for more than five minutes, hate all
forms of authority and tend to fall asleep at my desk.
What you should say: I’m a workaholic. I just don’t know when to put
down my work.
You don’t seem to hold on to a job long. Why should we think you’ll
stay here any longer than you’ve stayed elsewhere?
Real answer: My employers have always had a hang-up about keeping only
competent employees..
What you should say: I’m at a point in my career where I am tired of
moving around. I really want to feel part of a team, a long-term
enterprise, where I can make a contribution.
For all those of u aiming for job switches……………
How do you handle change?
Real answer: I deal with it everyday, unless I’m out of clean underwear.
What you should say: I think everyone knows that today the only
constant is change. I thrive on it.
How do you get along with others?
Real answer: Fine, as long as they stay out of my face.
What you should say: I think the interpersonal dynamics of the
workplace can be among the most satisfying aspects of any job.
What does the word success mean to you?
Real answer: It means that I don’t have to drag my sorry ass out of
bed to kiss yours.
What you should say: Success, for me, would be knowing I am making a
difference working with a team of people to make a more profitable
enterprise.
What does the word failure mean to you?
Real answer: It means I continue to collect unemployment insurance.
What you should say: Failure? I’m sorry, I don’t know what you mean.
That word is not in my vocabulary.
Do you get along with your current boss?
Real answer: I get along fine, considering what kind of a malicious
person he is.
What you should say: I don’t think I’d call him a boss; he’s been more
of a mentor to me.
Do you ever get angry with co-workers?
Real answer: I don’t get angry, I get even.
What you should say: Nothing angers me more than to see a co-worker
not pulling his weight, goofing off or stealing. Yes, sometimes I do
get angry with co-workers.
Can I contact your references?
Real answer: Sure, but they won’t know who I am.
What you should say: Some of them are out of the country right now.
Maybe I can arrange to have them contact you.
Top 10 most stupid questions people usually ask in obvious situations
1. At the movies: When you meet acquaintances/friends…
Stupid Question:- Hey, what are you doing here?
Answer:- Dont u know, I sell tickets in black over here..
2. In the bus: A heavy lady wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps on your feet…
Stupid Question:- Sorry, did that hurt?
Answer:- No, not at all, I’m on local anesthesia…..why don’t you try again.
3. At a funeral: One of the teary-eyed people ask…
Stupid Question:- Why, why him, of all people.
Answer:- Why? Would it rather have been you?
4. At a restaurant: When you ask the waiter
Stupid Question:- Is the “Butter Paneer Masala” good??
Answer:- No, its terrible and made of adulterated cement.
We occasionally also spit in it.
5. At a family get-together: When some distant aunt meets you after years
Stupid Question:-Munna,Chickoo, you’ve become so big.
Answer:- Well you haven’t particularly shrunk yourself.
6. When a friend announces her wedding, and you ask…
Stupid Question:- Is the guy you’re marrying good?
Answer:- No,he’s a miserable wife-beating isensitive lout…it’s just the money.
7. When you get woken up at midnight by a phone call…
Stupid Question:- Sorry. were you sleeping?
Answer:- No. I was doing research on whether the Zulu tribes in Africa marry or not. You thought I was sleeping…. you dumb witted moron.
8. When you see a friend/colleague with evidently shorter hair…
Stupid Question:- Hey have you had a haircut?
Answer:- No, its autumn and I’m shedding……
9. At the dentist when he’s sticking pointed objects in your mouth…
Stupid Question:- Tell me if it hurts?
Answer:- No it wont. It will just bleed.
10. You are smoking a cigarette and a cute woman in your office asks…
Stupid Question:- Oh, so you smoke.
Answer:- Gosh, it’s a miracle …………it was a piece of chalk and now it’s in flames!!!
Stupid Question:- Hey, what are you doing here?
Answer:- Dont u know, I sell tickets in black over here..
2. In the bus: A heavy lady wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps on your feet…
Stupid Question:- Sorry, did that hurt?
Answer:- No, not at all, I’m on local anesthesia…..why don’t you try again.
3. At a funeral: One of the teary-eyed people ask…
Stupid Question:- Why, why him, of all people.
Answer:- Why? Would it rather have been you?
4. At a restaurant: When you ask the waiter
Stupid Question:- Is the “Butter Paneer Masala” good??
Answer:- No, its terrible and made of adulterated cement.
We occasionally also spit in it.
5. At a family get-together: When some distant aunt meets you after years
Stupid Question:-Munna,Chickoo, you’ve become so big.
Answer:- Well you haven’t particularly shrunk yourself.
6. When a friend announces her wedding, and you ask…
Stupid Question:- Is the guy you’re marrying good?
Answer:- No,he’s a miserable wife-beating isensitive lout…it’s just the money.
7. When you get woken up at midnight by a phone call…
Stupid Question:- Sorry. were you sleeping?
Answer:- No. I was doing research on whether the Zulu tribes in Africa marry or not. You thought I was sleeping…. you dumb witted moron.
8. When you see a friend/colleague with evidently shorter hair…
Stupid Question:- Hey have you had a haircut?
Answer:- No, its autumn and I’m shedding……
9. At the dentist when he’s sticking pointed objects in your mouth…
Stupid Question:- Tell me if it hurts?
Answer:- No it wont. It will just bleed.
10. You are smoking a cigarette and a cute woman in your office asks…
Stupid Question:- Oh, so you smoke.
Answer:- Gosh, it’s a miracle …………it was a piece of chalk and now it’s in flames!!!
Some laws and theorems….funny
Lorenz’s Law of Mechanical Repair:
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.
Anthony’s Law of the Workshop:
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
Kovac’s Theorem:
When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged one.
Cannon’s Karmic Law:
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.
O’brien’s Variation Law:
If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.
BELL’S THEOREM
When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.
RUBY’S PRINCIPLE OF CLOSE ENCOUNTERS
The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with.
WILLOUGHBY’S LAW
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, it will.
ZADRA’S LAW OF BIOMECHANICS
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
WEN’S LAW
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.
Anthony’s Law of the Workshop:
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
Kovac’s Theorem:
When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged one.
Cannon’s Karmic Law:
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.
O’brien’s Variation Law:
If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.
BELL’S THEOREM
When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.
RUBY’S PRINCIPLE OF CLOSE ENCOUNTERS
The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with.
WILLOUGHBY’S LAW
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, it will.
ZADRA’S LAW OF BIOMECHANICS
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
WEN’S LAW
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
Inspire….
Officials rejected a candidate for a news broadcasters post Since his voice was not fit for a news broadcaster.
He was also told that with his obnoxiously long name, He would never be famous.
He is Amitabh Bachchan.
——————————————-
In 1962, four nervous young musicians played their first record audition For the executives of the Decca Recording Company. The executives were not impressed. While turning down this group of musicians, One executive said, “We don’t like! Their sound. Groups of guitars are On the way out .”
The group was called The Beatles.
——————————————–
In 1944, Emmeline Snively, director of the Blue Book Modeling Agency Told modeling hopeful Norma Jean Baker, “You’d better learn secretarial work or else get married “.
She went on and became Marilyn Monroe .
———————————————-
In 1954, Jimmy Denny, manager of the Grand Ole Opry, Fired a singer after one performance. He told him, “You ain’t goin’ nowhere son. You ought to go back to drivin’ a truck “.
He went on to become Elvis Presley .
– - ——————————————–
A small boy–the fifth amongst seven siblings of a poor father, Was selling newspapers in a small village to earn his living. He was not exceptionally smart at school but was fascinated by Religion and rockets.
The first rocket he built crashed. A missile that he built crashed Multiple times And he was made a butt of ridicule.
He is the person to have scripted the Space Odyssey of India Single-handedly.
He is Dr. A.P.J. Abdul Kalam. President of India.
——————————————-
When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone in 1876, It did not ring off the hook with calls from potential backers.
After making a demonstration call, President Rutherford Hayes said, “That’s an amazing invention, but who would ever want to see one of them ?”
——————————————-
When Thomas Edison invented the light bulb, He tried over 2000 experiments before he got it to work.
A young reporter asked him how it felt to fail so many times.
He said, “I never failed once. I invented the light bulb.
It just happened to be a 2000-step process “.
——————————————-
In the 1940s, another young inventor named Chester Carlson Took his idea to 20 corporations, including some of the biggest in The country.
They all turned him down. In 1947, after 7 long years of rejections, He finally got a tiny company in Rochester, NY, the Haloid Company, To purchase the rights to his invention–an electrostatic Paper-copying process.
Haloid became Xerox Corporation.
——————————————
A little girl–the 20th of 22 children, Was born prematurely and her survival was doubtful. When she was 4 years old, She contracted double pneumonia and scarlet fever, Which left her with aparalyzed left leg.
At age 9, she removed the metal leg brace she had been dependent on And began to Walk without it. By 13 she had developed a rhythmic walk, Which doctors said was a miracle. That same year she decided to become a runner. She entered a race and came in last. For the next few years every Race she entered, She came in last.
Everyone told her to quit, but she kept on running. One day she Actually won a race.
And then another. From then on she won every race she entered.
Eventually this little girl– Wilma Rudolph , went on to win three Olympic gold medals.
—————————————-
A schoolteacher scolded a boy for not paying attention to his mathematics And for not being able to solve simple problems.
She told him that you would not become anybody in life.
The boy was Albert Einstein
*He Rescues The Birds *
Once, while riding through the country with some other lawyers, Abraham Lincoln was missed from the party, and was seen loitering near a thicket of wild plum trees where the men had Stopped a short time before to water their horses.
” Where is Lincoln?” asked one of the lawyers.
” When I saw him last,” answered another, ” he had caught two young birds that the wind had blown out of their nest, and was hunting for the nest to put them back again .”
As Lincoln joined them, the lawyers rallied him on his tender-heartedness, and he said: — ” I could not have slept unless I had restored those little birds to their mother .”
———————————–
*Growing Older *
When the poet Henry Wadsworth Longfellow was well along in years, his hair was white but he Was still a vigorous man. Someone asked him why this was so.
The poet pointed to an apple tree in bloom and said, ” That tree is very old, but I never saw prettier blossoms on it that it now bears. That tree grows new wood each year. Like that apple tree, I try to grow a little new wood each year.”
———————————–
*Be A Better Person *
A Young student approached the famous French scientist and philosopher, Blaise Pascal, and declared, ” If I had your brains, I would be a better person .”
Pondering the depth of that statement, Pascal paused momentarily before replying, ” Be a better person, and you will have my brains.”
—————————————–
He was also told that with his obnoxiously long name, He would never be famous.
He is Amitabh Bachchan.
——————————————-
In 1962, four nervous young musicians played their first record audition For the executives of the Decca Recording Company. The executives were not impressed. While turning down this group of musicians, One executive said, “We don’t like! Their sound. Groups of guitars are On the way out .”
The group was called The Beatles.
——————————————–
In 1944, Emmeline Snively, director of the Blue Book Modeling Agency Told modeling hopeful Norma Jean Baker, “You’d better learn secretarial work or else get married “.
She went on and became Marilyn Monroe .
———————————————-
In 1954, Jimmy Denny, manager of the Grand Ole Opry, Fired a singer after one performance. He told him, “You ain’t goin’ nowhere son. You ought to go back to drivin’ a truck “.
He went on to become Elvis Presley .
– - ——————————————–
A small boy–the fifth amongst seven siblings of a poor father, Was selling newspapers in a small village to earn his living. He was not exceptionally smart at school but was fascinated by Religion and rockets.
The first rocket he built crashed. A missile that he built crashed Multiple times And he was made a butt of ridicule.
He is the person to have scripted the Space Odyssey of India Single-handedly.
He is Dr. A.P.J. Abdul Kalam. President of India.
——————————————-
When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone in 1876, It did not ring off the hook with calls from potential backers.
After making a demonstration call, President Rutherford Hayes said, “That’s an amazing invention, but who would ever want to see one of them ?”
——————————————-
When Thomas Edison invented the light bulb, He tried over 2000 experiments before he got it to work.
A young reporter asked him how it felt to fail so many times.
He said, “I never failed once. I invented the light bulb.
It just happened to be a 2000-step process “.
——————————————-
In the 1940s, another young inventor named Chester Carlson Took his idea to 20 corporations, including some of the biggest in The country.
They all turned him down. In 1947, after 7 long years of rejections, He finally got a tiny company in Rochester, NY, the Haloid Company, To purchase the rights to his invention–an electrostatic Paper-copying process.
Haloid became Xerox Corporation.
——————————————
A little girl–the 20th of 22 children, Was born prematurely and her survival was doubtful. When she was 4 years old, She contracted double pneumonia and scarlet fever, Which left her with aparalyzed left leg.
At age 9, she removed the metal leg brace she had been dependent on And began to Walk without it. By 13 she had developed a rhythmic walk, Which doctors said was a miracle. That same year she decided to become a runner. She entered a race and came in last. For the next few years every Race she entered, She came in last.
Everyone told her to quit, but she kept on running. One day she Actually won a race.
And then another. From then on she won every race she entered.
Eventually this little girl– Wilma Rudolph , went on to win three Olympic gold medals.
—————————————-
A schoolteacher scolded a boy for not paying attention to his mathematics And for not being able to solve simple problems.
She told him that you would not become anybody in life.
The boy was Albert Einstein
*He Rescues The Birds *
Once, while riding through the country with some other lawyers, Abraham Lincoln was missed from the party, and was seen loitering near a thicket of wild plum trees where the men had Stopped a short time before to water their horses.
” Where is Lincoln?” asked one of the lawyers.
” When I saw him last,” answered another, ” he had caught two young birds that the wind had blown out of their nest, and was hunting for the nest to put them back again .”
As Lincoln joined them, the lawyers rallied him on his tender-heartedness, and he said: — ” I could not have slept unless I had restored those little birds to their mother .”
———————————–
*Growing Older *
When the poet Henry Wadsworth Longfellow was well along in years, his hair was white but he Was still a vigorous man. Someone asked him why this was so.
The poet pointed to an apple tree in bloom and said, ” That tree is very old, but I never saw prettier blossoms on it that it now bears. That tree grows new wood each year. Like that apple tree, I try to grow a little new wood each year.”
———————————–
*Be A Better Person *
A Young student approached the famous French scientist and philosopher, Blaise Pascal, and declared, ” If I had your brains, I would be a better person .”
Pondering the depth of that statement, Pascal paused momentarily before replying, ” Be a better person, and you will have my brains.”
—————————————–
99 ka fer…
Once upon a time, there lived a King who, despite his luxurious lifestyle, was neither happy nor content.
One day, the King came upon a servant who was singing happily while he worked. This fascinated the King; why was he, the Supreme Ruler of the Land, unhappy and gloomy, while A lowly servant had so much joy. The King asked the servant, “Why are you so happy?”
The man replied, “Your Majesty, I am nothing but a servant, but my family and I don’t need too much - just a roof over our heads and warm food to fill our tummies .”
The king was not satisfied with that reply. Later in the day, he sought the advice of his most trusted advisor. After hearing the King’s woes and the servant’s story, the advisor said, ” Your Majesty, I believe that the servant has not been made part of The 99 Club.”
“The 99 Club? And what exactly is that?” the King inquired.
The advisor replied, “Your Majesty, to truly know what The 99 Club is, place 99 Gold coins in a bag and leave it at this servant’s doorstep.”
When the servant saw the bag, he took it into his house. When he opened the bag, he let out a great shout of joy… So many gold coins!
He began to count them. After several counts, he was at last convinced that there were 99 coins. He wondered, ” What could’ve happened to that last gold coin? Surely, no one would leave 99 coins! ”
He looked everywhere he could, but that final coin was elusive. Finally, exhausted, he decided that he was going to have to work harder than ever to earn that gold coin and complete his collection.
From that day, the servant’s life was changed.
He was overworked, horribly grumpy, and castigated his family for not helping him make that 100th gold coin. He stopped singing while he worked.
Witnessing this drastic transformation, the King was puzzled. When he sought his advisor’s help, the advisor said, ” Your Majesty, the servant has now officially joined The 99 Club. ”
He continued, “The 99 Club is a name given to those people who have enough to be happy but are never contented, because they’re always yearning and striving for that extra 1 telling to themselves: “Let me get that one final thing and then I will be happy for life .”
We can be happy, even with very little in our lives, but the minute we’re given something bigger and better, we want even more! We lose our sleep, our happiness, we hurt the people around us; all these as a price for our growing needs and desires. That’s what joining The 99 Club is all about.”
One day, the King came upon a servant who was singing happily while he worked. This fascinated the King; why was he, the Supreme Ruler of the Land, unhappy and gloomy, while A lowly servant had so much joy. The King asked the servant, “Why are you so happy?”
The man replied, “Your Majesty, I am nothing but a servant, but my family and I don’t need too much - just a roof over our heads and warm food to fill our tummies .”
The king was not satisfied with that reply. Later in the day, he sought the advice of his most trusted advisor. After hearing the King’s woes and the servant’s story, the advisor said, ” Your Majesty, I believe that the servant has not been made part of The 99 Club.”
“The 99 Club? And what exactly is that?” the King inquired.
The advisor replied, “Your Majesty, to truly know what The 99 Club is, place 99 Gold coins in a bag and leave it at this servant’s doorstep.”
When the servant saw the bag, he took it into his house. When he opened the bag, he let out a great shout of joy… So many gold coins!
He began to count them. After several counts, he was at last convinced that there were 99 coins. He wondered, ” What could’ve happened to that last gold coin? Surely, no one would leave 99 coins! ”
He looked everywhere he could, but that final coin was elusive. Finally, exhausted, he decided that he was going to have to work harder than ever to earn that gold coin and complete his collection.
From that day, the servant’s life was changed.
He was overworked, horribly grumpy, and castigated his family for not helping him make that 100th gold coin. He stopped singing while he worked.
Witnessing this drastic transformation, the King was puzzled. When he sought his advisor’s help, the advisor said, ” Your Majesty, the servant has now officially joined The 99 Club. ”
He continued, “The 99 Club is a name given to those people who have enough to be happy but are never contented, because they’re always yearning and striving for that extra 1 telling to themselves: “Let me get that one final thing and then I will be happy for life .”
We can be happy, even with very little in our lives, but the minute we’re given something bigger and better, we want even more! We lose our sleep, our happiness, we hurt the people around us; all these as a price for our growing needs and desires. That’s what joining The 99 Club is all about.”
IF Bollywood Film star work for call centre
If Bollywood Film star work for call centers…….. Imagine the calls.
Amitabh: Thank you for calling customer care… rishte mein to hum tumhare baap lagate hian filhaal ek customer care rep hain…
Customer: (angrily) I NEED YOUR MANAGER
Amitabh: Jaao pehle uske manager ko laao jisne mere baap ko chor kaha tha.. Jaao pehle uske manager ko laao jisne meri maa ko gaali dekar naukri se nikaal diya tha.. Jaao pehle uske manager ko laao jisne mere haath pe yeh likh diya tha… uske baad uske baad mere bhai.. Tum jis manager ko kahoge main laaonga.
Dharmendra: Thank you for calliiiiingg..
Customer: I need help
Dharmendra: main aaraahoon maa…….
Customer: I am unable to use your product… its waste and worthless
Dharmendra: Kutte mein tera khoon peejaaonga..
Customer: What!!! I need your manager
Dharmendra: (To his manager) Manager is customer ke saamne nahi naachna
Shatru : Aaaaaiiin Kis ullllu ke patthe ne call kiya hai…
Customer : How dare you speak like that
Shatru : Khaaaamoshhhhh… seedhi tarah bolde issue kya hai warna… haaaaaaaaa!!!
Asrani: hahhaaaaaaa naya kabutar ne call kiya
Customer: I lost my invoice
Asrani : Hahhaaaaaaaa hamare jasoos kone kone mein phaile hue hain miljayegi hum angrezon ke zamaane ke rep hain..haahhaaa
Kestu Mukherji: Iiiiiihhhhye….
Customer: hi
Kestu Mukherji : iiiihhhyeee tumko ….tumko kya problem hai
Customer : I have not received my product
Kestu Mukherji : To saale (hicup) main kya karoon.. Police mien report likha…
Bindu: Shabnam naam hai mera… pyar se log shabbo bolte hain..bolo main tumhare kis kaam aasakti hoon.
Shakti: AAAuuuuuu…mera naam hai balllllllllma. Thank you for calling aaauuuuu
Customer: I need your manager
Shakti: Mujhse baat karona.. Main ek chhota sa, nanha sa, pyarasa…rep hooon..
Mehmood: Ayyo Dyevi … thank youji for calling ji.. Ayyo
Customer : I am not devi
Mehmood : Ayyo muruga… ye dyevi nai ji … ye to dyeva hai…
Ajit: Saara shehar mujhe Lion ke naam se jaanta hai….. May I know your name please
Customer : Mona
Ajit: Mona darling… tumne hamein call kyun kiya
Customer : (Angrily) I WANT YOUR MANAGER
Ajit: Mona dear.. Agar hum tumhe hamara manager dedenge to hamein manage kaun karega….
Gabbar : HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA ….Jo dargaya wo maraga… batao tumhen kya chahiye
Customer : I want to buy a product from your company
Gabbar: Kitne paise hai re
Customer : $ 10.00
Gabbar: Suvvar Ke baccho … sirf… $10.00…dhikkaar hai
Prem Chopra: Prem…Prem naam hai mera.. Prem chopra…
Customer : I lost my invoice I need one
Prem Chopra: Kar bhalaa to ho bhalaa..jaa apni invoice khud dhoondle
Rajkumar : Jaani ….. Tumhara ye call bahut keemti hai.. Ise cut mat karna
Customer: I lost my invoice
Rajkumar: Jaani… ye invoice hai.. Bacchon ke khelne ki cheez nahi
Customer : shut up.. I need my invoice sent to me in 10 minutes… otherwise I will speak to your manager
Rajkumar : Dhamki kisi aur ko jaakar dena… manager humko darasake
manager mein itna dum nahi… humse hai manager… manager se hum nahi…
And at last ………………
Sharukh: Thank you for kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk
Customer hung up the phone….
Amitabh: Thank you for calling customer care… rishte mein to hum tumhare baap lagate hian filhaal ek customer care rep hain…
Customer: (angrily) I NEED YOUR MANAGER
Amitabh: Jaao pehle uske manager ko laao jisne mere baap ko chor kaha tha.. Jaao pehle uske manager ko laao jisne meri maa ko gaali dekar naukri se nikaal diya tha.. Jaao pehle uske manager ko laao jisne mere haath pe yeh likh diya tha… uske baad uske baad mere bhai.. Tum jis manager ko kahoge main laaonga.
Dharmendra: Thank you for calliiiiingg..
Customer: I need help
Dharmendra: main aaraahoon maa…….
Customer: I am unable to use your product… its waste and worthless
Dharmendra: Kutte mein tera khoon peejaaonga..
Customer: What!!! I need your manager
Dharmendra: (To his manager) Manager is customer ke saamne nahi naachna
Shatru : Aaaaaiiin Kis ullllu ke patthe ne call kiya hai…
Customer : How dare you speak like that
Shatru : Khaaaamoshhhhh… seedhi tarah bolde issue kya hai warna… haaaaaaaaa!!!
Asrani: hahhaaaaaaa naya kabutar ne call kiya
Customer: I lost my invoice
Asrani : Hahhaaaaaaaa hamare jasoos kone kone mein phaile hue hain miljayegi hum angrezon ke zamaane ke rep hain..haahhaaa
Kestu Mukherji: Iiiiiihhhhye….
Customer: hi
Kestu Mukherji : iiiihhhyeee tumko ….tumko kya problem hai
Customer : I have not received my product
Kestu Mukherji : To saale (hicup) main kya karoon.. Police mien report likha…
Bindu: Shabnam naam hai mera… pyar se log shabbo bolte hain..bolo main tumhare kis kaam aasakti hoon.
Shakti: AAAuuuuuu…mera naam hai balllllllllma. Thank you for calling aaauuuuu
Customer: I need your manager
Shakti: Mujhse baat karona.. Main ek chhota sa, nanha sa, pyarasa…rep hooon..
Mehmood: Ayyo Dyevi … thank youji for calling ji.. Ayyo
Customer : I am not devi
Mehmood : Ayyo muruga… ye dyevi nai ji … ye to dyeva hai…
Ajit: Saara shehar mujhe Lion ke naam se jaanta hai….. May I know your name please
Customer : Mona
Ajit: Mona darling… tumne hamein call kyun kiya
Customer : (Angrily) I WANT YOUR MANAGER
Ajit: Mona dear.. Agar hum tumhe hamara manager dedenge to hamein manage kaun karega….
Gabbar : HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA ….Jo dargaya wo maraga… batao tumhen kya chahiye
Customer : I want to buy a product from your company
Gabbar: Kitne paise hai re
Customer : $ 10.00
Gabbar: Suvvar Ke baccho … sirf… $10.00…dhikkaar hai
Prem Chopra: Prem…Prem naam hai mera.. Prem chopra…
Customer : I lost my invoice I need one
Prem Chopra: Kar bhalaa to ho bhalaa..jaa apni invoice khud dhoondle
Rajkumar : Jaani ….. Tumhara ye call bahut keemti hai.. Ise cut mat karna
Customer: I lost my invoice
Rajkumar: Jaani… ye invoice hai.. Bacchon ke khelne ki cheez nahi
Customer : shut up.. I need my invoice sent to me in 10 minutes… otherwise I will speak to your manager
Rajkumar : Dhamki kisi aur ko jaakar dena… manager humko darasake
manager mein itna dum nahi… humse hai manager… manager se hum nahi…
And at last ………………
Sharukh: Thank you for kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk
Customer hung up the phone….
A different sardar
A Sardarji and his wife are traveling by car from Key West to Boston.After almost twenty-four hours on the road, they’re too tired to continue,and they decide to stop for a rest. They stop at a nice hotel and take a room, but they only plan to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road.
When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk hands them a bill for $350. The Sardarji explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He tells the clerk although it’s a nice hotel, the rooms certainly aren’t worth $350. When the clerk tells him $350 is the standard rate, the maninsists on speaking to the Manager.
The Manager appears, listens to the Sardarji, and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center that were available for the husband and wife to use.
But we didn’t use them”, the Sardarji complains.
Well, they are here, and you could have,” explains the Manager.
He goes on to explain they could have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous. “The best entertainers from New York, Hollywood and Las Vegas perform here,” the Manager says But we didn’t go to any of those shows,” sardarji complains again .
“Well, we have them, and you could have”, the Manager replies. No matter what facility the Manager mentions, the sardarji replies “But we didn’t use it”
The Manager is unmoved, and eventually the Sardarji finally gives up and agrees to pay. He writes a check and gives it to the Manager.
The Manager is surprised when the looks at the check. “But sir,” he says, “this check is only made out for $1.00″
“That’s right,” says the sardarji, “I charged you $349 for sleeping with my wife.”
“But I didn’t!” exclaims the Manager. “Well,” the Sardarji replies, “she was here, and you could have.”
When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk hands them a bill for $350. The Sardarji explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He tells the clerk although it’s a nice hotel, the rooms certainly aren’t worth $350. When the clerk tells him $350 is the standard rate, the maninsists on speaking to the Manager.
The Manager appears, listens to the Sardarji, and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center that were available for the husband and wife to use.
But we didn’t use them”, the Sardarji complains.
Well, they are here, and you could have,” explains the Manager.
He goes on to explain they could have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous. “The best entertainers from New York, Hollywood and Las Vegas perform here,” the Manager says But we didn’t go to any of those shows,” sardarji complains again .
“Well, we have them, and you could have”, the Manager replies. No matter what facility the Manager mentions, the sardarji replies “But we didn’t use it”
The Manager is unmoved, and eventually the Sardarji finally gives up and agrees to pay. He writes a check and gives it to the Manager.
The Manager is surprised when the looks at the check. “But sir,” he says, “this check is only made out for $1.00″
“That’s right,” says the sardarji, “I charged you $349 for sleeping with my wife.”
“But I didn’t!” exclaims the Manager. “Well,” the Sardarji replies, “she was here, and you could have.”
Tech Support
A plain computer illiterate guy rings tech support to report that this computer is faulty.
Tech: What’s the problem?
User: There is smoke coming out of the power supply.
Tech: You’ll need a new power supply.
User: No, I don’t! I just need to change the startup files.
Tech: Sir, the power supply is faulty. You’ll need to replace it.
User: No way! Someone told me that I just needed to change the startup and it will fix the problem! All I need is for you to tell me the command.
10 minutes later
the User is still adamant that he is right. The tech is frustrated and fed up.
Tech: Sorry, Sir. We don’t normally tell our
Customers this, but there is an undocumented DOS command that will fix the problem.
User: I knew it!
Tech: Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKE.COM at the end of the
CONFIG.SYS. Letme know how it goes.
10 minutes later.
User: It didn’t work. The power supply is still smoking.
Tech: Well, what version of DOS are you using?
User: MS-DOS 6.22.
Tech: That’s your problem there. That version of DOS didn’t come with NOSMOKE. Contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch that will give you the file. Let me know how it goes.
1 hour later.
User: I need a new power supply.
Tech: How did you come to that conclusion?
User: Well, I rang Microsoft and told him about what you said, and he started asking questions about the make of power supply.
Tech: Then what did he say?
User: He told me that my power supply isn’t compatible with NOSMOKE.
Tech: What’s the problem?
User: There is smoke coming out of the power supply.
Tech: You’ll need a new power supply.
User: No, I don’t! I just need to change the startup files.
Tech: Sir, the power supply is faulty. You’ll need to replace it.
User: No way! Someone told me that I just needed to change the startup and it will fix the problem! All I need is for you to tell me the command.
10 minutes later
the User is still adamant that he is right. The tech is frustrated and fed up.
Tech: Sorry, Sir. We don’t normally tell our
Customers this, but there is an undocumented DOS command that will fix the problem.
User: I knew it!
Tech: Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKE.COM at the end of the
CONFIG.SYS. Letme know how it goes.
10 minutes later.
User: It didn’t work. The power supply is still smoking.
Tech: Well, what version of DOS are you using?
User: MS-DOS 6.22.
Tech: That’s your problem there. That version of DOS didn’t come with NOSMOKE. Contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch that will give you the file. Let me know how it goes.
1 hour later.
User: I need a new power supply.
Tech: How did you come to that conclusion?
User: Well, I rang Microsoft and told him about what you said, and he started asking questions about the make of power supply.
Tech: Then what did he say?
User: He told me that my power supply isn’t compatible with NOSMOKE.
Something Wild….
An old man was sitting on a bench at the mall. A young man walked up to the bench and sat down. He had spiked hair in all different colors; Green,Red, Orange, Blue, and Yellow. The old man just stared and stared. Everytime the young man looked, the old man was staring.
The young man finally said sarcastically, “What’s the matter old timer, never done anything wild in your life?”
Without batting an eye, the old man replied, “Got drunk once and had made love with a peacock. I was wondering if you were my son.”
The young man finally said sarcastically, “What’s the matter old timer, never done anything wild in your life?”
Without batting an eye, the old man replied, “Got drunk once and had made love with a peacock. I was wondering if you were my son.”
Beauty of Maths!
1 x 8 + 1 = 9
12 x 8 + 2 = 98
123 x 8 + 3 = 987
1234 x 8 + 4 = 9876
12345 x 8 + 5 = 98765
123456 x 8 + 6 = 987654
1234567 x 8 + 7 = 9876543
12345678 x 8 + 8 = 98765432
123456789 x 8 + 9 = 987654321
1 x 9 + 2 = 11
12 x 9 + 3 = 111
123 x 9 + 4 = 1111
1234 x 9 + 5 = 11111
12345 x 9 + 6 = 111111
123456 x 9 + 7 = 1111111
1234567 x 9 + 8 = 11111111
12345678 x 9 + 9 = 111111111
123456789 x 9 +10= 1111111111
9 x 9 + 7 = 88
98 x 9 + 6 = 888
987 x 9 + 5 = 8888
9876 x 9 + 4 = 88888
98765 x 9 + 3 = 888888
987654 x 9 + 2 = 8888888
9876543 x 9 + 1 = 88888888
98765432 x 9 + 0 = 888888888
Brilliant, isn’t it?
And finally, take a look at this symmetry:
1 x 1 = 1
11 x 11 = 121
111 x 111 = 12321
1111 x 1111 = 1234321
11111 x 11111 = 123454321
111111 x 111111 = 12345654321
1111111 x 1111111 = 1234567654321
11111111 x 11111111 = 123456787654321
111111111 x 111111111=12345678987654321
12 x 8 + 2 = 98
123 x 8 + 3 = 987
1234 x 8 + 4 = 9876
12345 x 8 + 5 = 98765
123456 x 8 + 6 = 987654
1234567 x 8 + 7 = 9876543
12345678 x 8 + 8 = 98765432
123456789 x 8 + 9 = 987654321
1 x 9 + 2 = 11
12 x 9 + 3 = 111
123 x 9 + 4 = 1111
1234 x 9 + 5 = 11111
12345 x 9 + 6 = 111111
123456 x 9 + 7 = 1111111
1234567 x 9 + 8 = 11111111
12345678 x 9 + 9 = 111111111
123456789 x 9 +10= 1111111111
9 x 9 + 7 = 88
98 x 9 + 6 = 888
987 x 9 + 5 = 8888
9876 x 9 + 4 = 88888
98765 x 9 + 3 = 888888
987654 x 9 + 2 = 8888888
9876543 x 9 + 1 = 88888888
98765432 x 9 + 0 = 888888888
Brilliant, isn’t it?
And finally, take a look at this symmetry:
1 x 1 = 1
11 x 11 = 121
111 x 111 = 12321
1111 x 1111 = 1234321
11111 x 11111 = 123454321
111111 x 111111 = 12345654321
1111111 x 1111111 = 1234567654321
11111111 x 11111111 = 123456787654321
111111111 x 111111111=12345678987654321
Khet mein Boat
Ek baar ek sardar sukhe khet mein boat chala raha hota hai.
Doosara sardar apni Biwi ko leke scooter pe jaa raha tha.
Pehle Sardar ko boat chalate dekh, woh apni biwi se kehta hai “dekho aise sardaro ne hi to sardar ka naam kharab kar rakha hai, woh to mujhe swimming nahi aati, nahi to mein usey bahut maarta.”
Doosara sardar apni Biwi ko leke scooter pe jaa raha tha.
Pehle Sardar ko boat chalate dekh, woh apni biwi se kehta hai “dekho aise sardaro ne hi to sardar ka naam kharab kar rakha hai, woh to mujhe swimming nahi aati, nahi to mein usey bahut maarta.”
First day @ school
Bobby returns from his first day at school and immediately questions his father.
“Dad, today we had a Spelling Class - All the other kids could only say half the alphabet, but I knew the whole thing. Is that because I am a Sardar?”
“No son, that’s because you are intelligent.”
Bobby seeming content with the answer, asks his father another question, “Dad, today we had Math class - All the other kids could only count from 1-10, I could count from 1 to 20. Is this because I am a Sardar ??”
“No , that’s because you are intelligent,” replies his father.
Happy with the answer, Bobby poses another question to his father. “Dad, today we had Medical Examination, all the other boys were shorter than me, I was at least twice their height. Is that because I am a Sardar?”
The father replies, “No son, that’s because you are 31 years old.”
“Dad, today we had a Spelling Class - All the other kids could only say half the alphabet, but I knew the whole thing. Is that because I am a Sardar?”
“No son, that’s because you are intelligent.”
Bobby seeming content with the answer, asks his father another question, “Dad, today we had Math class - All the other kids could only count from 1-10, I could count from 1 to 20. Is this because I am a Sardar ??”
“No , that’s because you are intelligent,” replies his father.
Happy with the answer, Bobby poses another question to his father. “Dad, today we had Medical Examination, all the other boys were shorter than me, I was at least twice their height. Is that because I am a Sardar?”
The father replies, “No son, that’s because you are 31 years old.”
Smart Sardar in Army
Scene: Trench warfare on Pakistan border, Sikh regiment on one side.
Kartar Singh gets a bright idea, shouts, “Oye Abdul!”
A guy gets up from other trench, “Kya hai be”
Kartar Singh shoots!! BANG. The guy is shot dead!
Kartar Singh shouts again, “Oye Karim”
2 guys stand up, “Kya hai ?”
BANG BANG both khalaas!
Kartar Singh shouts again,”Oye Mustafa!”
2 more, BANG-BANG! dono khalaas!
Pakistanis get worried, they think: Ye Sardarji log, when did they get so smart? They decide to try the trick themselves.
“Abe Gurdev Singh”
silence
“Oye Gurdev Singh!!”
silence
“O bhai, Gurdev Singh!”
This time some one says, “Gurdev Singh ko kaun bula raha hai re?”
Pakistani gets up, “Main”
BANG! He goes!
Kartar Singh gets a bright idea, shouts, “Oye Abdul!”
A guy gets up from other trench, “Kya hai be”
Kartar Singh shoots!! BANG. The guy is shot dead!
Kartar Singh shouts again, “Oye Karim”
2 guys stand up, “Kya hai ?”
BANG BANG both khalaas!
Kartar Singh shouts again,”Oye Mustafa!”
2 more, BANG-BANG! dono khalaas!
Pakistanis get worried, they think: Ye Sardarji log, when did they get so smart? They decide to try the trick themselves.
“Abe Gurdev Singh”
silence
“Oye Gurdev Singh!!”
silence
“O bhai, Gurdev Singh!”
This time some one says, “Gurdev Singh ko kaun bula raha hai re?”
Pakistani gets up, “Main”
BANG! He goes!
TO BE A MILLIONAIRE
A jobless man applied for the position of “office boy” at Microsoft. The HR manager interviewed him then watched him cleaning the floor as a test. “You are employed.”
He said.” Give me your e-mail address and I’ll send you the application to fill in, as well as date when you may start.”
The man replied “But I don’t have a computer, neither an email.”
I’m sorry”, said the HR manager, “If you don’t have an email, that means you do not exist. And who doesn’t exist, cannot have the job.”
The man left with no hope at all. He didn’t know what to do, with only $10 in his pocket. He then decided to go to the supermarket and buy a 10Kg tomato crate.
He then sold the tomatoes in a door to door round. In less than two hours, he succeeded to double his capital. He repeated the Operation three times, and returned home with $60. The man realized that he can survive by this
Way, and started to go everyday earlier, and return late Thus, his money doubled or tripled every day. Shortly, he bought a cart, then a truck, then he had his own fleet of delivery vehicles.
5 years later, the man is one of the biggest food retailers in the US . He started to plan his family’s future, and decided to have a life insurance.
He called an insurance broker, and chose a protection plan. When the conversation was concluded, the broker asked him his email. The man replied, “I don’t have an email”. The broker answered curiously, “You don’t have an email, and yet have succeeded to build an empire. Can you imagine what you could have been if you had an email?!!”
The man thought for a while and replied, “Yes, I’d be an office boy at Microsoft!”
Moral of the story:
M1 - Internet is not the solution to your life.
M2 - If you don’t have internet, and work hard, you can be a millionaire.
M3 - If you received this message by email, you are closer to being an office boy,
than a millionaire……….
Have a great day!!!
Pls Note: - Do not forward this email to me back, I’m closing all my email addresses & going to sell tomatoes!!!
Smiling after reading is not mandatory!!!!
He said.” Give me your e-mail address and I’ll send you the application to fill in, as well as date when you may start.”
The man replied “But I don’t have a computer, neither an email.”
I’m sorry”, said the HR manager, “If you don’t have an email, that means you do not exist. And who doesn’t exist, cannot have the job.”
The man left with no hope at all. He didn’t know what to do, with only $10 in his pocket. He then decided to go to the supermarket and buy a 10Kg tomato crate.
He then sold the tomatoes in a door to door round. In less than two hours, he succeeded to double his capital. He repeated the Operation three times, and returned home with $60. The man realized that he can survive by this
Way, and started to go everyday earlier, and return late Thus, his money doubled or tripled every day. Shortly, he bought a cart, then a truck, then he had his own fleet of delivery vehicles.
5 years later, the man is one of the biggest food retailers in the US . He started to plan his family’s future, and decided to have a life insurance.
He called an insurance broker, and chose a protection plan. When the conversation was concluded, the broker asked him his email. The man replied, “I don’t have an email”. The broker answered curiously, “You don’t have an email, and yet have succeeded to build an empire. Can you imagine what you could have been if you had an email?!!”
The man thought for a while and replied, “Yes, I’d be an office boy at Microsoft!”
Moral of the story:
M1 - Internet is not the solution to your life.
M2 - If you don’t have internet, and work hard, you can be a millionaire.
M3 - If you received this message by email, you are closer to being an office boy,
than a millionaire……….
Have a great day!!!
Pls Note: - Do not forward this email to me back, I’m closing all my email addresses & going to sell tomatoes!!!
Smiling after reading is not mandatory!!!!
Appraisal Vs Resignation
A newly joined trainee engineer
asks his boss “what is the meaning of
appraisal?”
Boss: “Do you know the meaning of resignation?”
Trainee: “Yes I do”
Boss: “So let me make you understand what a appraisal is by comparing it with resignation”
Comparison study: Appraisal and Resignation
In appraisal meeting they will speak only about your weakness, errors and failures.
In resignation meeting they will speak only about your strengths, past achievements and success.
In appraisal you may need to cry and beg for even 10% hike.
In resignation you can easily demand (or get even without asking) more than 50-60% hike.
During appraisal, they will deny promotion saying you didn’t meet the expectation, you don’t have leadership qualities, and you had several drawbacks in our objective/goal.
During resignation, they will say you are the core member of team; you are the vision of the company how can you go, you have to take the project in shoulder and lead your juniors to success.
There is 90% chance for not getting any significant incentives after appraisal.
There is 90% chance of getting immediate hike after you put the resignation.
Trainee: “Yes boss enough, now I understood my future. For an appraisal I will have to resign … !!!”
asks his boss “what is the meaning of
appraisal?”
Boss: “Do you know the meaning of resignation?”
Trainee: “Yes I do”
Boss: “So let me make you understand what a appraisal is by comparing it with resignation”
Comparison study: Appraisal and Resignation
In appraisal meeting they will speak only about your weakness, errors and failures.
In resignation meeting they will speak only about your strengths, past achievements and success.
In appraisal you may need to cry and beg for even 10% hike.
In resignation you can easily demand (or get even without asking) more than 50-60% hike.
During appraisal, they will deny promotion saying you didn’t meet the expectation, you don’t have leadership qualities, and you had several drawbacks in our objective/goal.
During resignation, they will say you are the core member of team; you are the vision of the company how can you go, you have to take the project in shoulder and lead your juniors to success.
There is 90% chance for not getting any significant incentives after appraisal.
There is 90% chance of getting immediate hike after you put the resignation.
Trainee: “Yes boss enough, now I understood my future. For an appraisal I will have to resign … !!!”
The Evolution of a Programmer
High School/Jr.High
10 PRINT “HELLO WORLD”
20 END
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
First year in College
program Hello(input, output)
begin
writeln(’Hello World’)
end.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Senior year in College
(defun hello
(print
(cons ‘Hello (list ‘World))))
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
New professional
#include
void main(void)
{
char *message[] = {”Hello “, “World”};
int i;
for(i = 0; i < 2; ++i)
printf(”%s”, message[i]);
printf(”\n”);
}
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Seasoned professional
#include
#include < string.h>
class string
{
private:
int size;
char *ptr;
public:
string() : size(0), ptr(new char('’)) {}
string(const string &s) : size( s.size)
{
ptr = new char[size + 1];
strcpy(ptr, s.ptr);
}
~string()
{
delete [] ptr;
}
friend ostream &operator <<(ostream &, const string &);
string &operator=(const char *);
};
ostream &operator<<(ostream &stream, const string &s)
{
return(stream << s.ptr);
}
string &string::operator=(const char *chrs)
{
if (this != &chrs)
{
delete [] ptr;
size = strlen(chrs);
ptr = new char[size + 1];
strcpy(ptr, chrs);
}
return(*this);
}
int main()
{
string str;
str = “Hello World”;
cout << str << endl;
return(0);
}
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Master Programmer
[
uuid(2573F8F4-CFEE-101A-9A9F-00AA00342820)
]
library LHello
{
// bring in the master library
importlib(”actimp.tlb”);
importlib(”actexp.tlb”);
// bring in my interfaces
#include ” pshlo.idl”
[
uuid(2573F8F5-CFEE-101A-9A9F-00AA00342820)
]
cotype THello
{
interface IHello;
interface IPersistFile;
};
};
[
exe,
uuid(2573F890-CFEE-101A-9A9F-00AA00342820)
]
module CHelloLib
{
// some code related header files
importheader();
importheader();
importheader(< except.hxx>);
importheader(” pshlo.h”);
importheader(”shlo.hxx”);
importheader(”mycls.hxx”);
// needed typelibs
importlib(” actimp.tlb”);
importlib(”actexp.tlb”);
importlib(”thlo.tlb”);
[
uuid(2573F891-CFEE-101A-9A9F-00AA00342820),
aggregatable
]
coclass CHello
{
cotype THello;
};
};
#include “ipfix.hxx”
extern HANDLE hEvent;
class CHello : public CHelloBase
{
public:
IPFIX(CLSID_CHello);
CHello(IUnknown *pUnk);
~CHello();
HRESULT __stdcall PrintSz(LPWSTR pwszString);
private:
static int cObjRef;
};
#include
#include
#include
#include
#include ” thlo.h”
#include “pshlo.h”
#include “shlo.hxx”
#include “mycls.hxx”
int CHello::cObjRef = 0;
CHello::CHello(IUnknown *pUnk) : CHelloBase(pUnk)
{
cObjRef++;
return;
}
HRESULT __stdcall CHello::PrintSz(LPWSTR pwszString)
{
printf(”%ws\n”, pwszString);
return(ResultFromScode(S_OK));
}
CHello::~CHello(void)
{
// when the object count goes to zero, stop the server
cObjRef–;
if( cObjRef == 0 )
PulseEvent(hEvent);
return;
}
#include
#include
#include ” pshlo.h”
#include ” shlo.hxx”
#include “mycls.hxx”
HANDLE hEvent;
int _cdecl main(
int argc,
char * argv[]
) {
ULONG ulRef;
DWORD dwRegistration;
CHelloCF *pCF = new CHelloCF();
hEvent = CreateEvent(NULL, FALSE, FALSE, NULL);
// Initialize the OLE libraries
CoInitializeEx(NULL, COINIT_MULTITHREADED);
CoRegisterClassObject(CLSID_CHello, pCF, CLSCTX_LOCAL_SERVER,
REGCLS_MULTIPLEUSE, &dwRegistration);
// wait on an event to stop
WaitForSingleObject(hEvent, INFINITE);
// revoke and release the class object
CoRevokeClassObject(dwRegistration);
ulRef = pCF->Release();
// Tell OLE we are going away.
CoUninitialize();
return(0);
}
extern CLSID CLSID_CHello;
extern UUID LIBID_CHelloLib;
CLSID CLSID_CHello = { /* 2573F891-CFEE-101A-9A9F-00AA00342820 */
0×2573F891,
0xCFEE,
0×101A,
{ 0×9A, 0×9F, 0×00, 0xAA, 0×00, 0×34, 0×28, 0×20 }
};
UUID LIBID_CHelloLib = { /* 2573F890-CFEE-101A-9A9F-00AA00342820 */
0×2573F890,
0xCFEE,
0×101A,
{ 0×9A, 0×9F, 0×00, 0xAA, 0×00, 0×34, 0×28, 0×20 }
};
#include
#include < ole2.h>
#include
#include
#include
#include ” pshlo.h”
#include ” shlo.hxx”
#include “clsid.h”
int _cdecl main(
int argc,
char * argv[]
) {
HRESULT hRslt;
IHello *pHello;
ULONG ulCnt;
IMoniker * pmk;
WCHAR wcsT[_MAX_PATH];
WCHAR wcsPath[2 * _MAX_PATH];
// get object path
wcsPath[0] = ‘’;
wcsT[0] = ‘’;
if( argc > 1) {
mbstowcs(wcsPath, argv[1], strlen(argv[1]) + 1);
wcsupr(wcsPath);
}
else {
fprintf(stderr, “Object path must be specified\n”);
return(1);
}
// get print string
if(argc > 2)
mbstowcs(wcsT, argv[2], strlen(argv[2]) + 1);
else
wcscpy(wcsT, L”Hello World”);
printf(”Linking to object %ws\n”, wcsPath);
printf(”Text String %ws\n”, wcsT);
// Initialize the OLE libraries
hRslt = CoInitializeEx(NULL, COINIT_MULTITHREADED);
if(SUCCEEDED(hRslt)) {
hRslt = CreateFileMoniker(wcsPath, &pmk);
if(SUCCEEDED(hRslt))
hRslt = BindMoniker(pmk, 0, IID_IHello, (void **)&pHello);
if(SUCCEEDED(hRslt)) {
// print a string out
pHello->PrintSz(wcsT);
Sleep(2000);
ulCnt = pHello->Release();
}
else
printf(”Failure to connect, status: %lx”, hRslt);
// Tell OLE we are going away.
CoUninitialize();
}
return(0);
}
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Program Manager
Dear Team Worker,
Please write a program to print “Hello World” before the EOD.
Dont send it to Onsite , i will send it.
With regards,
PM.
10 PRINT “HELLO WORLD”
20 END
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
First year in College
program Hello(input, output)
begin
writeln(’Hello World’)
end.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Senior year in College
(defun hello
(cons ‘Hello (list ‘World))))
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
New professional
#include
void main(void)
{
char *message[] = {”Hello “, “World”};
int i;
for(i = 0; i < 2; ++i)
printf(”%s”, message[i]);
printf(”\n”);
}
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Seasoned professional
#include
#include < string.h>
class string
{
private:
int size;
char *ptr;
public:
string() : size(0), ptr(new char('’)) {}
string(const string &s) : size( s.size)
{
ptr = new char[size + 1];
strcpy(ptr, s.ptr);
}
~string()
{
delete [] ptr;
}
friend ostream &operator <<(ostream &, const string &);
string &operator=(const char *);
};
ostream &operator<<(ostream &stream, const string &s)
{
return(stream << s.ptr);
}
string &string::operator=(const char *chrs)
{
if (this != &chrs)
{
delete [] ptr;
size = strlen(chrs);
ptr = new char[size + 1];
strcpy(ptr, chrs);
}
return(*this);
}
int main()
{
string str;
str = “Hello World”;
cout << str << endl;
return(0);
}
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Master Programmer
[
uuid(2573F8F4-CFEE-101A-9A9F-00AA00342820)
]
library LHello
{
// bring in the master library
importlib(”actimp.tlb”);
importlib(”actexp.tlb”);
// bring in my interfaces
#include ” pshlo.idl”
[
uuid(2573F8F5-CFEE-101A-9A9F-00AA00342820)
]
cotype THello
{
interface IHello;
interface IPersistFile;
};
};
[
exe,
uuid(2573F890-CFEE-101A-9A9F-00AA00342820)
]
module CHelloLib
{
// some code related header files
importheader(
importheader(
importheader(< except.hxx>);
importheader(” pshlo.h”);
importheader(”shlo.hxx”);
importheader(”mycls.hxx”);
// needed typelibs
importlib(” actimp.tlb”);
importlib(”actexp.tlb”);
importlib(”thlo.tlb”);
[
uuid(2573F891-CFEE-101A-9A9F-00AA00342820),
aggregatable
]
coclass CHello
{
cotype THello;
};
};
#include “ipfix.hxx”
extern HANDLE hEvent;
class CHello : public CHelloBase
{
public:
IPFIX(CLSID_CHello);
CHello(IUnknown *pUnk);
~CHello();
HRESULT __stdcall PrintSz(LPWSTR pwszString);
private:
static int cObjRef;
};
#include
#include
#include
#include
#include ” thlo.h”
#include “pshlo.h”
#include “shlo.hxx”
#include “mycls.hxx”
int CHello::cObjRef = 0;
CHello::CHello(IUnknown *pUnk) : CHelloBase(pUnk)
{
cObjRef++;
return;
}
HRESULT __stdcall CHello::PrintSz(LPWSTR pwszString)
{
printf(”%ws\n”, pwszString);
return(ResultFromScode(S_OK));
}
CHello::~CHello(void)
{
// when the object count goes to zero, stop the server
cObjRef–;
if( cObjRef == 0 )
PulseEvent(hEvent);
return;
}
#include
#include
#include ” pshlo.h”
#include ” shlo.hxx”
#include “mycls.hxx”
HANDLE hEvent;
int _cdecl main(
int argc,
char * argv[]
) {
ULONG ulRef;
DWORD dwRegistration;
CHelloCF *pCF = new CHelloCF();
hEvent = CreateEvent(NULL, FALSE, FALSE, NULL);
// Initialize the OLE libraries
CoInitializeEx(NULL, COINIT_MULTITHREADED);
CoRegisterClassObject(CLSID_CHello, pCF, CLSCTX_LOCAL_SERVER,
REGCLS_MULTIPLEUSE, &dwRegistration);
// wait on an event to stop
WaitForSingleObject(hEvent, INFINITE);
// revoke and release the class object
CoRevokeClassObject(dwRegistration);
ulRef = pCF->Release();
// Tell OLE we are going away.
CoUninitialize();
return(0);
}
extern CLSID CLSID_CHello;
extern UUID LIBID_CHelloLib;
CLSID CLSID_CHello = { /* 2573F891-CFEE-101A-9A9F-00AA00342820 */
0×2573F891,
0xCFEE,
0×101A,
{ 0×9A, 0×9F, 0×00, 0xAA, 0×00, 0×34, 0×28, 0×20 }
};
UUID LIBID_CHelloLib = { /* 2573F890-CFEE-101A-9A9F-00AA00342820 */
0×2573F890,
0xCFEE,
0×101A,
{ 0×9A, 0×9F, 0×00, 0xAA, 0×00, 0×34, 0×28, 0×20 }
};
#include
#include < ole2.h>
#include
#include
#include
#include ” pshlo.h”
#include ” shlo.hxx”
#include “clsid.h”
int _cdecl main(
int argc,
char * argv[]
) {
HRESULT hRslt;
IHello *pHello;
ULONG ulCnt;
IMoniker * pmk;
WCHAR wcsT[_MAX_PATH];
WCHAR wcsPath[2 * _MAX_PATH];
// get object path
wcsPath[0] = ‘’;
wcsT[0] = ‘’;
if( argc > 1) {
mbstowcs(wcsPath, argv[1], strlen(argv[1]) + 1);
wcsupr(wcsPath);
}
else {
fprintf(stderr, “Object path must be specified\n”);
return(1);
}
// get print string
if(argc > 2)
mbstowcs(wcsT, argv[2], strlen(argv[2]) + 1);
else
wcscpy(wcsT, L”Hello World”);
printf(”Linking to object %ws\n”, wcsPath);
printf(”Text String %ws\n”, wcsT);
// Initialize the OLE libraries
hRslt = CoInitializeEx(NULL, COINIT_MULTITHREADED);
if(SUCCEEDED(hRslt)) {
hRslt = CreateFileMoniker(wcsPath, &pmk);
if(SUCCEEDED(hRslt))
hRslt = BindMoniker(pmk, 0, IID_IHello, (void **)&pHello);
if(SUCCEEDED(hRslt)) {
// print a string out
pHello->PrintSz(wcsT);
Sleep(2000);
ulCnt = pHello->Release();
}
else
printf(”Failure to connect, status: %lx”, hRslt);
// Tell OLE we are going away.
CoUninitialize();
}
return(0);
}
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Program Manager
Dear Team Worker,
Please write a program to print “Hello World” before the EOD.
Dont send it to Onsite , i will send it.
With regards,
PM.
Desi Summer of 69′
I had my first real six rupees,
stole it from my father's pants.
went to a madrasi hotel,
to eat the sambhar of 69.
Me and some kadke dost,
had it all and we caught bukhaar,
jimy puked, joey got ulcers,
and Bagga ne maari dakar.
Oh when I went back there now,
the food was as stale as ever,
and though it was 1999,
still the sambhar was being served over there,
that was the worst food of my life.
Therez no use in complaining,
when you got no other place to eat,
rushed in the evening to the doctors clinic, but he too was at the toilet
seat, yeah
standing there waiting outside,
nurse told me I will wait forever,
oh and when I held my breath,
I knew that I had to use that loo there
That was the worst food of my life.
Back to the sambhar of 69.
Man I was getting killed,
I was full and restless,
I needed to unwind,
I guess nothing can wait forever
stole it from my father's pants.
went to a madrasi hotel,
to eat the sambhar of 69.
Me and some kadke dost,
had it all and we caught bukhaar,
jimy puked, joey got ulcers,
and Bagga ne maari dakar.
Oh when I went back there now,
the food was as stale as ever,
and though it was 1999,
still the sambhar was being served over there,
that was the worst food of my life.
Therez no use in complaining,
when you got no other place to eat,
rushed in the evening to the doctors clinic, but he too was at the toilet
seat, yeah
standing there waiting outside,
nurse told me I will wait forever,
oh and when I held my breath,
I knew that I had to use that loo there
That was the worst food of my life.
Back to the sambhar of 69.
Man I was getting killed,
I was full and restless,
I needed to unwind,
I guess nothing can wait forever
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